Live like a four year old and get the life you want
Four year olds are much smarter than people give them credit for. They don’t know it and, and well meaning adults will try to change them, but four year olds get a lot of things right, when adults get them wrong. If we could all be a little more like four year olds, we’d be a lot more successful.
The idea of four year old superiority comes from studies of successful people and neurolinguistic programming. Sometimes we catch glimpses of their brilliance in day to day life. My friend once remarked that he wished he was more like his four year old nephew who “never stays upset for long, he just cries for a while then moves on to the next thing.” Having a quick cry and moving on, not dwelling on what upsets us, is just the tip of the iceberg. What else can we learn from the little people?
I want ice cream
Imagine you’re out on a hot day and you have hear the chimes of an ice cream van. You really feel like an ice cream, but you’re penniless. If you’re with somebody else you might say “do you feel like ice cream?” hoping they do, opening the door for you to ask if they’ll get one for you as well. They might just say “no, its a bit cold for an ice cream” or some other perfectly reasonable rebuttal, and your dream of enjoying a delicious ice cream will evaporate. You’ll shrug your shoulders and forget about your ice cream, because you’re a perfectly reasonable person too. The four year old would never be such a pushover! They’d be aghast that you’d given up on getting an ice cream so easily.
Four year olds are relentless. When a four year old wants something , they will ask for it again and again until they succeed. “NO” is meaningless to them, it just means the that their request has had its first hearing. If the request is denied, the four year old will ask again, and again and again. Another ten rejections will not easily discourage them, they will change tactics. Cute faces, crying, refusing to move, throwing a temper tantrum; these are all part of the four year old’s arsenal.
The most successful salespeople in the world understand that the first “no” is never definitive. Most leading sales professionals will ask for business three or five times before moving on to the next prospect. Jordan Belfort, the infamous Wolf of Wall Street who made almost a million dollars a week in his twenties, teaches salespeople to elegantly ask for business repeatedly in the same pitch. He also insists that selling, the art of getting people to buy in to your vision, your ideas, or your requests, is absolutely essential to any kind of success in life.
Four year olds aren’t the most elegant communicators in the world, but they’re astonishingly persuasive. They succeed by being persistent, and by refusing to take “no” for an answer. Would your life be better if you were as determined to get what you want as a four year old? How much more could you achieve if you held firmly to your goals in the face of initial disappointment instead of just shrugging your shoulders and forgetting about what you want?
Probably a lot better.
I did it!
Four year olds are incredible learners. General opinion is that children learn much more rapidly than adults because their brains are still growing and they create more new neural pathways and neural connections than adults can. That may be true, but there is more to toddlers remarkable learning ability than neuroplasticity and a growing brain.
Four year olds are lot more willing to fail than older children and adults. The more attempts you have at learning a new skill, the more likely you are to master it. Albert Einstein attributed his genius to his willingness to stay with a problem, continuously trying to work it out, for much longer than anybody else. By the time Einstein had become well known, he was several decades past his fourth birthday. At school he was considered a failure and written off by his teachers. His success cannot be put down to neuroplasticity, but more likely came from dogged persistence. Whilst most scientists might give up on solving a problem after five or ten attempts, Einstein was willing to get it wrong many more times. So was Thomas Edison. So are most four year olds.
Four year olds will keep trying and trying until that wonderful moment when they can shout “I did it!” My blood boils when I See a parent telling their determined toddler that they should quit trying something because “they’re too little”, “it’s a big girl’s game” or something similar.
Four year olds don't’ have an adult concept of failure. The only way a four year old can fail to learn something is by giving up, and when they want to do something they don’t give up. They’ll keep going until they can perform the new skill to a level which satisfies them. The limiting beliefs and crippling fear of getting something wrong tend to come later in life, courtesy of schooling, parents, and peer groups.
The next time you want to learn something new, be more like a four year old. Keep going and going until you nail it. Don’t worry about getting it wrong, that’s an inevitable part of the learning curve. Don’t worry about looking foolish. You’re only really a fool if you quit after the first few mishaps.
I’m a ballerina.
I never discourage my children from day dreaming and fantasising / make belief. When my daughter tells me she’s a ballerina, or more recently a gymnast, I fully play along with and encourage her. This morning I spent twenty minutes doing hand stands and cart wheels with her in the rain. Most grown ups wouldn’t last five attempts at a hand stand, and that's less than two minutes of effort.
Engaging in fantasy and taking part in make believe are integral to success. Make belief leads to trying new things. You have to believe you can do it before you can honestly try to do it. Fantasy can also bolster self belief through the channel of imagining yourself succeeding.
After the first dozen failed attempts, my daughter was still full of enthusiasm, telling me, herself, and anybody else who could hear her that each hand stand and cartwheel was the most perfect and most graceful one so far. She was demonstrating two precious talents that four year olds have in abundance; self belief and the ability to visualise. She visualised herself as a gymnast performing amazing cart wheels and hand stands, then she set about making her visualised fantasy a reality. Without the ability to fantasise and a lot o self belief she could not have done so many hand stands and cart wheels with such endless enthusiasm. Because she was being so gloriously childish, she made incredible progress over twenty minutes. Very few adults would ever make such rapid progress, because they’re not childish enough to fantasize, and then playfully and enthusiastically pursue their fantasy.
Playfulness is a powerful attribute because it seduces our brains into doing what we want. If you can turn the pursuit of your goals into an enjoyable game, you’re going to improve the quality of your life and your level of fulfilment significantly. You’ll have a lot of fun doing it as well.
I spy with my little eye.
One of the central tenets of neurolinguistic programming is visualization. When you vividly imagine the things you want, and how good it will feel when you have those things, you are far more likely to get them. If all you can think about is your goals, and every time you disappear into your imagination you are picturing them, you might be described as obsessed. That’s a good thing! Obsession can make you produce amazing results.
Think about the last time you were truly obsessed by something. Did you produce outcomes above and beyond your expectations? I did. Four year olds get obsessed frequently and easily. They get an idea then they drive their parents crazy going on and on about it. More often than not, (within the realms of possibility) the idea driving the obsession becomes a reality. It’s a rare adult who can bring about their desires with the same frequency as a four year old.
Have your way, and your ice cream too.
Now you’ve read this article, try being a little more childish and see where it gets you. Don’t give up on what you want so easily, blast through the “no’s” like a four year old. When you want to learn something, keep going until you get there, and make it fun. See yourself succeeding. Maybe you want to be a gymnast, or maybe you want to be the world’s greatest salesperson, or the world’s most wonderful parent. Imagine it. Imagine it intensely, then play at making it happen. Don’t get too serious, stay flexible in your approach, and stay playful.
That way you can have your way, and have your ice cream too.
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